A little bit of empathy

I have always thought of myself as a resonably nice guy. I have also always thought of myself as someone who is empathetic, although I do not always express it. Empathy is defined by Britannica as “the ability to imagine oneself in another’s place and understand the other’s feelings, desires, ideas, and actions.”

I recently had a discussion with a friend which convinced me to think deeper about this issue. I believe every human being needs to be empathetic. Empathy is  a powerful emotion, it is what seperates us from animals. The fact that we can feel the emotions of others and that it affects us. It makes us reflect about our own lives, it sometimes even changes us.

Now I do believe that I can put myself in other people’s shoes, I am capable of at least understanding their joy, pain, fear or whatever emotion they might be  experiencing. The thing is that when I put myself in their shoes, I still think like me. And that is not always the right thing to do, it is the easy thing to do. When I put myself in someone’s shoes, I need to be able to even think like that person, if it is possible for me to do. If I know the person well, I should be able to do it. That would allow me to act in a manner that would be more considerate.

For example, say I was laid-off. I would want everyone to leave me the fuck alone for a few days. But if that happened to a friend who I know would like the support of friends at that time, would like to talk to them, then I should call him/her. It doesn’t really matter how I would feel in that particular situation.

What that means is, I need to be able to do is picture myself in a particular situation but think like the other person. I need to try to understand his or her feelings and emotions, not what I would feel if I was in that situation. There is a difference in the two. And I am glad I understood it, no matter how late

Life lessons from Hollywood

I personally, have found inspiration and wisdom in the most unlikeliest of places, Hollywood. A place famous for it’s lack of touch with reality.

1. X-Men United.

A Hollywood action movie based on comic book about mutants is the last place you would expect to learn something useful from. But there is a dialogue in XMen-United that goes as follows:

Night-crawler: Someone so beautiful should not be so angry.
Storm: Sometimes anger can help you survive.
Night-crawler: So can faith.

The fact that a blue mutant in a fancy dress says it, does not take anything away from the powerful message. It is the basic philosophy behind most religions.

2. Las Vegas (TV show):

In a quite ludicrous scene based in a Las Vegas casino, a Tibetian monk who is gambling in the casino tells the casino host,
“True luxury is freedom from want”.
This is the sort of an one-liner that goes un-noticed. But in reality, it is really deep and represents the core of Gautam Buddha’s teachings.

3. Spiderman

Yes, I am talking about the famous dialogue. “With great power, comes great responsibility”.
This is similar to the message Mahatma Gandhi gave the Indian leaders when India attained independence. He warned them that power corrupts and that they had a responsibility to the Indian people to not let that happen.

There are many, many more examples where a lot of useful and good thoughts are crystallized in very apt words by the movie folks. My good friend S has an interesting theory behind why this is so. Essentially every person has a life philosophy, a sort of a guide by which they live their lives. Hollywood writers are people too. And they are well-read, well-educated and very talented people. They also have a knack of finding the right words to get the message across.

So next time you are watching a crazy horror movie or a cheesy romantic comedy, just keep your eyes and ears open. What you see and hear just might change your life forever

A little bit of euthanasia

It is hard for anyone to comment on dying. People who have experienced it first hand can’t really comment about it and others can at best guess how it feels. Death is one of those things that is really simple and also really complex depending on how you look at it. Talking of euthanasia, I am all for it.

The reason is that I believe free will is the ultimate human right and it includes freedom to die. It is a well accepted fact that society has no right to decide how a law-abiding citizen lives his life. Then why does it possess the right to stop him from choosing his manner of death?

People who oppose euthanasia either do so because of religion (sanctity of life) or romance (there is always hope). Once and for all, human life is not sacred. There are 6 billion of us. A few hundred euthanized individuals, no one is going to notice the difference. Except the individual himself and his family, both of whom will be relieved and happy that the suffering is over. And for those romantics who believe that clinging on to hope is essential, I say do that when you are on your own death-bed. You have no right to tell some else to cling on. If I want to let go, I am going to f#@$ing let go.

To repeat for effect, individual free will has to come before everything else. Coming in its way is a grave sin. It is important to note that no one wants to die when there is hope, even a sliver. Statistics have shown that a very very very minor percentage of terminally ill patients would even choose euthanasia. Those that do are obviously in great pain and suffering and deserve the right to end their pain. For society and religion to force continued misery and suffering on them is an act of ultimate cruelty. One which I would never want on my conscience and neither should anyone else. We euthanize dogs and horses for God’s sake. Why do we let humans suffer?

I have heard scientific arguments against euthanasia as well but I think they do not hold water at all.

Also, we have not even begun on the argument as to how the efforts to keep alive the people who want to die takes precious resources away from trying to help those that want to live but can’t (Darfur, Somalia anyone?). It is considered extremely cruel to take a life. It is time we realize that sometimes saving one that doesn’t want saving can be just as cruel.

A little bit of money

Money – the most important 5 letter word in the world, perhaps the most important word in the world. Makes me wonder. Money is a very recent innovation in the history of humankind. It is a product of the bartering system. Since when did it become more important than things like relationships, health and happiness. These have been around for far longer and mean more to us than money ever will. Yet all around me I see people who sacrifice things far more important than money for sake of money. Again I am generalizing but I think I am pretty accurate.

One important reason is that money and material things are addictive and once you are hooked, it is hard to go back. It takes a concious effort to keep perspective about money.

IMPORTANT – I am NOT trivializing the value of money. It is very, very important. Money provides the kind of empowerment that cannot be matched even by a good education (blasphemy !!). Money keeps your family healthy and happy. It ensures your kids will have the education they deserve. It allows you to effect positive change in the world around you. Money is a wonderful thing.

But I believe that beyond a point money follows the law of diminishing returns, it doesn’t do a whole lot much more. And I very strongly believe that beyond that point your own passions and your pursuits should take far more priority. Any monetary gains after that  should be a by-product of your passion. In an ideal world our passions would BE our professions and earn us our paychecks. Some people are lucky that way but I am not. And a lot of people are like me. Such people, especially, need to take particular care that money does not take over their lives.

It is a cliche that there are more important things in life than money but a lot of people still do not get it. One needs to treat money as a means to an end and not the end in itself. It is hard to put a price on things like relationships, health and happiness. But it is not hard to figure out that there is not enough money in the world to buy these things.

A little bit of heroism

At my last Toastmaster’s meeting (it is a public speaking course) someone made a very interesting comment. We are the Facebook generation. We are about smart online profiles. One-liners, favorite foods etc. It got me thinking on a completely tangential topic. A few of these social networking sites have a field in your profile called “My Heroes”. You will find all the usual suspects – Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela etc.

For me, I cannot call Mahatma Gandhi my hero. Nor Mandela nor Mother Teresa. You know why? Because I never knew these people personally. They did great things, very great things and inspired millions. But I am pretty cynical. Did I really know Gandhi, the person? And if I did not, can I call him my hero?

My role models are people I actually know. All around me I see people who make incredible sacrifices for their families day in and day out, without giving it as much as a second thought. People who work two jobs to put food on the table. People who handle work and family pressures that I cannot even imagine and still manage a smile on their face. People who do not compromise on their principles. I am very lucky to know a bunch of such people. They are the real heroes.

Society looks up to people who do spectacular things like climb Mount Everest, feed the poor in Africa or fight in wars. These are all great things and we take notice. What we do not notice is that all around us, heroism abounds. It is not easy to work 2 jobs for 40 years and take care of your family. It is not easy being a single mom and raise kids. But so many people do it, for decades. Regular men and women just like you and me.

So do not go looking for role-models in history books. You might already know a few on a first person basis.

A little bit of religion

I do not think I am the only one who has a problem with organized religion and the reason is simple. I am a smart man. And no one who has intellect can buy into the preachings of one single religion. Because no one has got it all right and almost all have got it mostly wrong.

Most religions have an authority figure when it comes to GOD. In Christianity it is the pope, in Islam it is the mullah and in Hinduism it is the poojari. I cannot accept that someone knows more about GOD just by virtue of being in a certain position. NO ONE knows what GOD is. GOD is all-powerful. Human minds are too feeble to grasp the concept of GOD and to pretend otherwise is hypocrisy. Christianity and Islam try to fudge this by calling Jesus as the Son of GOD and Mohammed the Messenger of GOD.

Religious books. GOD does not write books. To put it in Bill Maher’s words “GOD can create sunrises and sunsets, why would GOD write books”. The Bible and Koran are 1000s of years old, they are totally out of tune with current times and people are prepared to live and die by these books. What a joke! Bible, Ramayana, Mahabharata are more like fairy tales than actual serious religious texts.

Some religions will preach that theirs is the only way to find GOD. Islam and Christianity most certainly do that. If you are not a Christian you are doomed to hell. If you are not a Muslim, you are a “kafir”. I cannot respect that.

All religions have elaborate sets of rules and rituals which are irrelevant but still have a heavy emphasis put on them. Attending mass, doing poojas, doing namaz. Does it really make one a better person? Does it bring a person closer to GOD? At best, these things inculcate discipline.

That is not to say religion as a concept is useless. Most religions give the masses a reasonably good set of guidelines to live a life. And dumb masses cannot figure out stuff like intelligent people. And hence I believe religion is a necessary evil. Religion can unite countries and destroy them. But overall, one single organized religion cannot make complete sense.

I for one consider myself to be fairly intelligent. And I am going to figure sh@#$ out on my own. Here are some things I have learnt from religions through this research which I actually believe.

GOD exists everywhere – Hinduism
There are multiple ways to find GOD – Hinduism
Follow the middle path (moderation) – Buddhism.

Notice how I never called GOD a HE

A little bit of karma

I have a real problem with religions that promise “brownie points” for good acts. Christainity and popular Hinduism come to mind. The reason I call it “popular” Hinduism is that I don’t think anyone has a f@#ing clue what Hinduism really is. That is a topic of another post all-together.

I have also found that westerners (at least the ones I know) have a mistaken notion of “karma“. They call it good karma and bad karma. Basically what it means is you do good, you get good things in return. And if you do bad, you get bad stuff happen to you. That is bastardization of karma that I cannot handle. Let me explain what “karma” really means. Essentially karma means you do your duty no matter what. You do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. PERIOD. Not because you want a ticket to heaven.  

“Karmanyeva dhikaraste, ma faleshu kaadachana” (Do your duty/action regardless of the results.)

So try and live a good life, try and do the right thing and if possible try and do it for the right reason. Because if you are trying to get to heaven, let me assure you, there ain’t no such thing baby