A little bit of unsolicited advice

Geoff (my ex-CTO) gave me some advice a long time ago that I want to pass on to you. We all have to manage multiple passwords in this increasingly online world of ours. A good way to set up a hack-proof password while still remembering it is as follows.

 Think of your favorite song. Take the first letter of every word (the first 8 words). Replace the o’s with zeroes and l’s with ones and boom, you have a very safe, easy to remember password.

A little bit of Hollywood

Hollywood has lost it’s marbles. I have always been a big fan, but for the last few years they have disappointed me so regularly that I have sworn off Hollywood movies all-together. Done, finito, full-stop. Movies have become more formulaic than Ekta Kapoor’s “Saas Bahu” serials and almost any movie can be slotted into the following genres.

Epics – Or as I like to call them “Fancy dress movies”. These involves extremely well muscled men in skirts in sword fights or pirates or something of that sort. Huge budgets, big stars, all fluff and nothing else.

(Comic) Book adaptations- Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Spider Man, the list goes on and on and on. You do great special effects, I get it. Enough already. Now how about working on a great script?

Sequels – Are you as tired of sequels as I am? Wolverine, Spiderman, Terminator were all interesting, but only in the first installments. Take 10 million out of those humongous budgets and give it to a decent writer. The only excellent sequel I have seen so far has been X-Men United.

Humor – Doesn’t exist in Hollywood anymore. Last good funny movie was Rat Race. The rest are absolute and total crap.

Animated – The saving grace of Hollywood. These days big budget cartoon movies are the only place where you see creativity from Hollywood. The screenplays are excellent and almost always original. The movies are entertaining for both kids and adults. Most of my favorite movies in recent times fall in this category. But you can only take so much of talking fish, talking cars, talking ogres, talking mammoths …

Hollywood still has the capacity to make stunning movies. I was blown away by cinematography in King Kong and Lord of the Rings. I loved the CGI of Spiderman 3. But in this razzmatazz they have forgotten about the one thing that really matters. The story. And that is really sad.

And if you have started thinking am getting too cynical in my old age (I seem to keep talking about the good old times way too much), wait for my next post. It will be about how much impressed I am with the new Bollywood. Hindi movies rock!

A little bit of zoology

Before getting to the point, let me ask a small question. Is it “zoo-aw-logy” or is it “zoo-logy”? And if the post is about zoos would it qualify under “zoology”?

My first post talked about how the book “Life of Pi” made a case for zoos (the good ones) and how animals can actually be happy in zoos. My initial reaction was “Good point, but that cannot be the whole story”. So I did a little research and came up with some interesting stuff.

Essentially not all animals are happy in zoos because not all animals are similar. Tigers and lions are territorial creatures who stick to their areas where they live and hunt. They are a good fit for zoos. Again I must add that when I say zoos I do not mean “Ranichi Baag”. I mean modern zoos that provide almost jungle-like environment, plenty of room etc. On the other hand, migratory animals like elephants and bison who are used to traveling hundreds of miles every week find zoos very constraining. Also elephants have a complex social structure that cannot be reproduced in a zoo. Monkeys and apes are supposedly happy anywhere as long as they are with friends and family (again the social structure comes into play). Bears are naturally inquisitive so they are happy only if the layout of their enclosure is changed every now and then. So the psychology and the habits of every animal determine whether they can be happy and prosper in the controlled environment of a zoo.

So basically the lesson learnt is that it is not that simple

A little bit of TV nostalgia

After some heavy duty posting, I thought let me take it easy for a post or two and reminisce about childhood, good times! Today’s topic is television. Remember the good old days when all we had was Door-Darshan? Here is a list of my favorite shows from the good old days. Let me know if I missed any gems …

He Man and the Masters of Universe:This was a total action-packed cartoon show. Me and my sister used to be glued to our seats 9 am-9.30 am every  Sunday morning. I remember waving my grandfather’s walking stick pretending to be Skeletor. I was probably the fattest Skeletor in the world. I still remember all the characters, Man-At-Arms, Orko, Beast-Man, Batte-Cat, Teela (I had a huge crush on her ).

Ek Shoonya Shoonya: By far the best police show I have seen. It was the precursor to all the current forensic/police shows. Every episode was based on true events from police files and used to be very exciting. I used to have nightmares after seeing the show but could never NOT see it.

Flop Show:My favorite TV show ever, period. The satire and the humor in this show was just mind-blowing. Personally, I have never enjoyed the mindless bullsh#$@ of David Dhawan or Shekhar Suman that passes off for humor in India. But Flop Show was the bestest. I used to look forward to it every Thursday. And the songs at the conclusion just rocked.

Byomkesh Bakshi:I have always been a great fan on detective novels and TV shows. This was an excellent adaptation of Sherlock Holmes stories in an early 20th century Indian milieu. And when you take inspiration from Sherlock Holmes, you cannot go wrong. Very well-acted too.

World this week: It is amazing how many high quality shows we saw as kids since there was just a single TV channel. It meant shows had to go through a pretty tough screening process. Watching World This Week was like watching a “foreign” show. The topics, the interviews, even the settings, were so non-Indian. It was also the only show where I got to watch soccer highlights.

Bharat Ek Khoj: Excellent synopsis of Indian history. Used to be boring sometimes, but was worth it just for the title music and mantras. Also I have always been a history buff.

Mahabharat:The world’s best soap opera/action thriller. Very lavishly mounted and excellent direction. This show was ahead of its times. Pune used to come to a stand-still every Sunday morning.

There were many others like Star Trek, Street Hawk and Aamchi Maati Aamchi Manasa. I want this post to take you back to the time when you actually used to look forward to something on TV. DVRs, TIVO and re-runs have taken some of the fun out of that. TV is still fun, it’s just not the same.

A little bit of religion

I do not think I am the only one who has a problem with organized religion and the reason is simple. I am a smart man. And no one who has intellect can buy into the preachings of one single religion. Because no one has got it all right and almost all have got it mostly wrong.

Most religions have an authority figure when it comes to GOD. In Christianity it is the pope, in Islam it is the mullah and in Hinduism it is the poojari. I cannot accept that someone knows more about GOD just by virtue of being in a certain position. NO ONE knows what GOD is. GOD is all-powerful. Human minds are too feeble to grasp the concept of GOD and to pretend otherwise is hypocrisy. Christianity and Islam try to fudge this by calling Jesus as the Son of GOD and Mohammed the Messenger of GOD.

Religious books. GOD does not write books. To put it in Bill Maher’s words “GOD can create sunrises and sunsets, why would GOD write books”. The Bible and Koran are 1000s of years old, they are totally out of tune with current times and people are prepared to live and die by these books. What a joke! Bible, Ramayana, Mahabharata are more like fairy tales than actual serious religious texts.

Some religions will preach that theirs is the only way to find GOD. Islam and Christianity most certainly do that. If you are not a Christian you are doomed to hell. If you are not a Muslim, you are a “kafir”. I cannot respect that.

All religions have elaborate sets of rules and rituals which are irrelevant but still have a heavy emphasis put on them. Attending mass, doing poojas, doing namaz. Does it really make one a better person? Does it bring a person closer to GOD? At best, these things inculcate discipline.

That is not to say religion as a concept is useless. Most religions give the masses a reasonably good set of guidelines to live a life. And dumb masses cannot figure out stuff like intelligent people. And hence I believe religion is a necessary evil. Religion can unite countries and destroy them. But overall, one single organized religion cannot make complete sense.

I for one consider myself to be fairly intelligent. And I am going to figure sh@#$ out on my own. Here are some things I have learnt from religions through this research which I actually believe.

GOD exists everywhere – Hinduism
There are multiple ways to find GOD – Hinduism
Follow the middle path (moderation) – Buddhism.

Notice how I never called GOD a HE

A little bit of karma

I have a real problem with religions that promise “brownie points” for good acts. Christainity and popular Hinduism come to mind. The reason I call it “popular” Hinduism is that I don’t think anyone has a f@#ing clue what Hinduism really is. That is a topic of another post all-together.

I have also found that westerners (at least the ones I know) have a mistaken notion of “karma“. They call it good karma and bad karma. Basically what it means is you do good, you get good things in return. And if you do bad, you get bad stuff happen to you. That is bastardization of karma that I cannot handle. Let me explain what “karma” really means. Essentially karma means you do your duty no matter what. You do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. PERIOD. Not because you want a ticket to heaven.  

“Karmanyeva dhikaraste, ma faleshu kaadachana” (Do your duty/action regardless of the results.)

So try and live a good life, try and do the right thing and if possible try and do it for the right reason. Because if you are trying to get to heaven, let me assure you, there ain’t no such thing baby

A little bit of grumbling :)

I always knew life is unfair. But sometimes it still makes me mad. I put on weight easily. There, I said it. People who know me well know that I am the male Bridget Jones i.e I never get a date and I always worry about my weight. But I also rarely make excuses. I do not like saying I put on weight easily because it seems like an easy way out. It is also trivializing the efforts that other people put into staying fit and healthy. But 8 pounds in 3 weeks. Get the f#$@ out of here.

To give some context I have swayed from fat to fit (reasonably fit) so many times that I have lost count. However in recent times I have been in pretty good shape. 3 weeks ago I did a triathlon and then as a reward, I kind of let myself go. Today I weighed myself and couldn’t believe my eyes. I had gained 8 pounds i.e approx 4 kg. And I didn’t really pig out either.

But shit happens and you need to deal with it. So for the next few weeks I am going to work out hard and eat right. I will let you all know how it goes. In my fitness struggles I have learned a lot of lessons. More about that later. For now, I need to go and eat a salad.

A little bit of sports

Today, I wish to bring to the online world a universal truth that is evident to everyone but I haven’t seen it being put down in writing. Since time immemorial, women have not understood the male fascination with sports. Why 22 men on a field and 2 billion off it go crazy after a simple leather ball.  The answer is simple and in two parts.

 It is about “male bonding”. Guys will spend a lifetime with a woman but let me be honest. If it were not for sex,  guys would much rather spend most of their time with other guys.  Sports gives us a legitimate excuse to do that. And it allows us to drink liquor during the day as well.

It is also about physical poweress. Athletes are super-men. Men, for some reason are very impressed by athletic and physical poweress. I think it is because for centuries men were hunters and am sure you had to be strong and fast to hunt well.  And women, before you mock us, remember that most of you are impressed by small, shiny stones (also called diamonds)

Women, instead of blaming sports, use it to your advantage. It is absolutely the ONLY thing that can distract us from our other fixation which is women. So next time you don’t want to have sex, do not fake a headache. Just ask your man what he thought of the India-Australia game.

Men, you will never understand shopping. Anyone care to explain?

A lot of – thanks :)

Lets face it, no one likes to do anything if it’s not appreciated. At the very least it has to at least somewhat useful.  I was wondering if my blog would be read by anybody. So for those who commented “muchos gracias”, “bahut bahut shukriya”, “much thanks”

 I know, I know. A blog is supposed to be about self-expression but screw that !!

A little bit of ego – is not a bad thing

I always thought us Indians are among the most capable people in the world combining a lot of pretty awesome qualities. The most impressive thing about Indians is that they can combine focus, creativity, discipline and intelligence and channel these into tangible achievements day in and day out.

Unfortunately there is one quality missing that prevents us from ruling the world. We lack ambition and we lack arrogance. We are too modest about our achievements and too timid in face of confrontation. We are afraid to take that one last step, that one last risk. Ofcourse, I am generalizing grossly here but it is a fair generalization.

The reason can be traced to how we are brought up. How many of you were told, you are doing great, you are worth something, you are a smart kid? I wasn’t told this much and I was a smart kid. We were always taught to be humble and modest. We were taught to respect our elders and seniors and never to question them. If I spoke back to seniors, I was punished even when I was right. This made us, for want of a better word, timid. Failures were always followed by reprimands but achievements were not always reinforced with praise.

I think things are getting a whole lot better already but our (mine) generation has already been conditioned. We are going to have to make a change ourselves. And conditioning is a hard thing to get rid of.

Its time we shook off these fundas and stood up for ourselves. Look around you in the workplace. You will find that you are more smarter and more capable than even your company’s CEO. And it’s time you and everybody else started respecting that. Stand up for yourself a bit. Do not be afraid to speak up and ask for what you want. Trust me, you deserve it. Go and kick some ass.